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Transcription:Grand Theft Mario
(Mario & Luigi are driving on their Kart along the road.) Luigi: Oh no, Mario! The bridge, she's-a closed. (The bridge is out. So, they turn to a different path. They come to a fork in the road.) Mario: Uh, which way-a should we go? (They choose the right path. When they enter Vice City from the Grand Theft Auto series, their Kart's right front tire blows out.) Luigi: OH, LOOK AT THAT! We got a flat tire! Mario: Look! A repair garage. I'll pull in there. (The Mario Brothers enter the garage. When they come out, they are in a different car.) Mario: Ah! Mamma mia! Luigi, we've got a Pimped-out ride! (The car lifts on its wheels, and the Mario Brothers drive over to a parking meter and stop.) Luigi: We need-a some coins, Mario. We have-a no money. Mario: Leave-a it to me! (Mario goes under a brick building. He tries to smash it to get coins, but just bangs his head instead. Luigi rushes over.) Luigi: MARIO! Are you okay?! Oh, look. It's a turtle! (A little girl is walking her turtle on a leash. Luigi, thinking it is a Koopa Troopa, jumps and kills it.) Little Girl: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU JUST KILLED MY TURTLE! Luigi: Oh, my god! Uh, I'm-a so sorry! (Five "Most Wanted" stars appear in the top of the screen. One fills in. A policeman arrives on the scene.) Cop: Hey, what's going on here? Mario: LUIGI! Let’s get out of here! (Mario and Luigi flee the scene. Another star fills in as the cop shoots at them. The Mario Brothers drive up to a hooker and mistake her for Princess Peach.) Mario: Look, Luigi! It's the princess! (to hooker) Princess, you must-a come with us! Hooker: I'll suck your cock for fifty bucks. Mario: PRINCESS! Luigi: Do you accept-a coins? Mario: Come on, a-princess! We've got to go! (They grab the girl and flee. Another star fills in as a pimp spots them.) Pimp: Uh-uh! Uh-uh! No, that's my bitch! (He shoots at them. Mario is wounded.) Mario: OH NO! I’M-A-HIT!! WHAT IS THIS?!! Hooker: That's blood, baby. Luigi: Oh, Mario! We need to find you some-a mushrooms so you can-a-heal! Hooker: I know just the guy. (They drive up to some drug dealers. One of them offers a "Magic Mushroom" to Mario.) Dealer: (gives Mario a Magic Mushroom) This is some really good shit, man. (Mario eats the mushroom. When he is finished, his eyes swell up.) Mario: (laughs) Wow! I feel-a really good! Look at the pretty colors. Ha-hi! Hoo-hoo! Hee-hee! (The girl and the drug dealers all flee. Another star fills in as the Mario Brothers are pursued by the police.) Luigi: Cheese it! It's-a the fuzz! Mario: (thinks he sees coins on the road) Ah-ha-ha! I-a feel so funny! Look, there's-a coins everywhere! Ha-ha! I'm-a rich! Luigi: Mario, no! (The coins are actually pedestrians as Mario runs over them. The final "Most Wanted" star fills in.) Luigi: No, Mario, no! Luigi: I think I should-a drive! (They crash and fly out of the car. Mario snaps out of his drugs.) Cop: Freeze! Put your hands in the air! (The Mario Brothers do so. Unfortunately, Luigi has a wrench.) Cop: Aaah! He's got a wrench! Cop: Take him down! (The cops shoot Luigi.) Mario: Noooooooooooooooooooo! Luigi: Aaah! Mama mia! (chokes and dies) Mario: He's-a marinating in his own Ragù! You killed-a my brother! YOU SONS OF-A BITCHES!! (Mario grabs an M3 submachine gun, killing the cops and then blowing up the police cars. He then also does the same to the helicopter, causing it crash into a nearby building. The army soldiers and SWAT officers show up.) Mario: You'll never take me alive, you mother- (They shoot him.) (Mario dies as his blood spills out onto the sidewalk. The screen fades to black.) (Yoshi is driving on his Kart and comes to a fork in the road from the beginning. He chooses the left path.) Yoshi: Hmmm... Raccoon City. Sounds lovely! (Yoshi enters Raccoon City from the Resident Evil series and a horde of zombies promptly eat him.) Yoshi: What? AAAAH! AAAAAAH! (The sketch ends, as well as the episode) Grand Theft City